Becoming Friends Again With Someone You Had a Thing With
Sometimes, you meet someone, and you just click. You feel similar you've been besties your entire life and honestly tin't believe there was a time when you didn't even know they existed. And so, there'south those other relationships that accept a lilliputian more than piece of work—i.e., how it feels similar pulling teeth to acquire anything almost your brother-in-law. While you might never be BFFs with your BIL, there is a trick you tin use to get him to open upwardly a little more.
Terri Orbuch, PhD, author of 5 Simple Steps to Accept Your Matrimony from Good to Great , says getting to know someone starts with the "latitude questions"—think: impersonal but important biographical info almost a person's family, their career, and if they're single or married, for example. (Although if you're asking these q'due south of your BIL... you should probably definitely know the reply to that final 1.)
Tamekis Williams, LCSW, founder of Mission Dorothy Female person Empowerment Services, adds that yous desire to inquire open-ended questions that volition allow the other person to elaborate, instead of questions that can be answered with a unproblematic "yes" or "no."
After all, if y'all actually desire to get to know someone beyond the surface level, you've got to dig deeper. "Topics that become at the other person's inner world—their thoughts, goals, and dreams—will strengthen and increase bonding between two people," Orbuch notes. "Sharing personal information strengthens any relationship, and deeper questions focus on that personal self-disclosure."
Btw, that'due south a two-way street, adds Williams. "When initially coming together someone, information technology is of import to be inviting and warm and so that the other person can initially feel comfortable talking with you."
On that note, Williams suggests taking a careful approach in your questions, as you lot don't want the other person to feel like you're violating their privacy. Questions you should probably steer articulate of early on on: "Democrat or Republican?" "Practise you own or rent?" and "What is your religion or spiritual conventionalities?".
At that place are other ways to bypass small talk and learn more in-depth info about the other person, says Williams. "Y'all can get the answers [you're looking for] by sometimes answering those questions yourself while sharing nigh yous. An example would look like: 'I just moved to Georgia last twelvemonth and found a beautiful community that I fell in love with and purchased a home. What about you, do you love where you live?'"
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With a little patience, you'll become way closer with the person you're just getting to know in no time. Here are 200 non-deadening questions to get you started:
"Asking someone well-nigh their preferences helps you to sympathize who they are as a person," says Rebecca Hendrix, a therapist in New York. The important matter here is to go deeper by request follow-up questions. For example, "If you notice out they like dogs, take it a bit deeper by asking them what they like most near their dog or their favorite breed," Hendrix explains.
"Commonalities often open the door for further conversation and, one time that door is open up, you tin can start a dialogue that allows the other person to elaborate and not give close-ended answers," Williams adds.
Another ideas:
i. What's your favorite mode to spend a day off?
2. What blazon of music are you into?
3. What was the best vacation you lot ever took and why?
four. Where's the next place on your travel bucket list and why?
5. What are your hobbies, and how did you lot get into them?
six. What was your favorite age growing up?
seven. What was the terminal thing yous read?
8. Would you say you're more of an extrovert or an introvert?
9. What's your favorite ice cream topping?
10. What was the last TV prove you binge-watched?
11. Are you into podcasts or do you merely listen to music?
12. Do you have a favorite holiday? Why or why not?
13. If yous could but eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it exist?
14. Do you like going to the movies or prefer watching at home?
15. What'due south your favorite sleeping position?
sixteen. What's your go-to guilty pleasure?
17. In the summer, would you rather go to the beach or go camping?
xviii. What's your favorite quote from a TV prove/movie/book?
19. How old were you when you had your first celebrity crush, and who was information technology?
xx. What's i affair that tin instantly make your day amend?
21. Do yous take whatsoever pet peeves?
22. Which meal is your favorite: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?
23. What vocal ever gets y'all out on the dance floor?
24. When you were a kid, did y'all eat the crusts on your sandwich or not?
25. What activity instantly calms you?
26. Ideally, how would y'all spend your altogether?
27. What practise you lot practice on your commute to/from work?
28. Are yous a fan of musicals—why or why not?
29. What'south your favorite flavor and why?
30. What's the best joke yous've ever heard?
Questions can help deepen any relationship, only you should never have to ask these ones if you lot're in a good for you relationship:
31. What'south the phone app you use most?
32. Would you rather melt or gild in?
33. Have your always disliked something and then changed your heed?
34. What'due south your favorite board game?
35. How do you take your coffee?
36 What's your most prized possession and why?
37. Is at that place any production that you couldn't live without?
38. Do yous sleep with a top sheet? Why or why not?
39. If yous could take any exotic animal equally a pet, which would it be?
forty. What would exist the kickoff thing y'all'd do if you lot won the lottery?
41. What'due south your favorite way to unwind?
42. How practise you enjoy spending your lonely time?
43. What's the best concert you lot've e'er been to?
44. Do you take a favorite blazon of exercise?
45. What causes are you passionate almost?
46. What'southward something yous're excited about right now?
47. What's your favorite content genre (horror, sci-fi, rom-com, etc.)?
48. What'southward an essential part of your daily routine?
49. What's the best gift y'all've ever received?
fifty. What's the worst gift y'all've ever received, and what did you do virtually it?
No thing how a person feels about his or her task, the fact is, tons of people spend a lot of time and energy at work. To help you lot become to know someone better, "facilitate a conversation where yous are left knowing how they feel almost their career," Hendrix says.
Simply prepare yourself to render that openness when they inquire the same of y'all and your work life. "Initial conversations set the tone for if the person wants to go on to get to know you lot, so exist ready to reply some questions also," Williams says.
Try out these convo-starters:
51. If yous could choose your own work schedule, would you lot?
52. Is there 1 chore you'd never e'er practice?
53. What's the first thing you lot do afterwards getting home from work?
54. Who or what inspires y'all in your career?
55. How do you lot approach taking fourth dimension off from piece of work?
56. What'due south something an outsider wouldn't know about your manufacture?
57. Practice you take a morning time routine at work? If so, what it's like?
58. What's your commute to piece of work like?
59. Are you able to piece of work from dwelling house, and if so, do you savor it?
threescore. Do you lot get along with all your coworkers?
61. What's your favorite matter about your current job?
62. What annoys you well-nigh?
63. What'southward the career highlight you're most proud of?
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64. Practise you lot think you'll stay in your electric current gig awhile? Why or why not?
65. What type of role exercise you want to have on after this i?
66. Are you more of a "piece of work to live" or a "live to work" type of person?
67. Does your task make you feel happy and fulfilled? Why or why non?
68. How would your 10-year-old self react to what you exercise now?
69. What practice yous think about virtually your first job?
70. How old were you when y'all started working?
71. What'due south the worst job you've ever had?
72. What originally got you interested in your current field of piece of work?
73. Have you ever had a side hustle or considered having 1?
74. What's your favorite part of the workday?
75. What'southward the best career decision you've ever made?
76. What's the worst career determination y'all've ever made?
77. Do you lot consider yourself good at networking?
78. What career advice would yous give to your younger self?
79. Do you believe in having a "v-year plan"?
80. How do you divide your work life from your home life?
81. When volition you know you've "made information technology"?
82. Are yous looking forward to retiring, or do you programme to work every bit long as possible?
83. Take you lot ever had "imposter syndrome"?
84. What do you think most workaholics?
85. What qualities do yous look for in a dominate?
86. Do you have a professional mentor? If non, do you want one?
87. What energizes yous well-nigh your career?
88. Are you into after-work happy hours?
89. How exercise yous motivate yourself in your career?
90. What's the best career advice y'all've ever heard?
91. What's the worst career communication you've ever received?
92. When y'all started your current job, what most surprised y'all?
93. How do you pick yourself back up later on making a error at work?
94. How exercise y'all bargain with work stress?
95. Practise you take a work bestie?
96. What's i work-related thing you want to accomplish in the next year?
97. Who has had the biggest impact on your career pick?
98. What does your family think of your career?
99. What's the best affair you've learned in your current position?
100. If yous could do information technology all over again, would you pursue the same career? Why or why non?
A dandy way to get to know someone on a more than personal level? Learn about the people they love. "Asking questions about close relationships can pb to stories, and sharing stories leads to connection and an experience of beingness seen by ane another," Hendrix explains. Try:
101. How much time do you spend with your family unit?
102. Who do you most like spending fourth dimension with and why?
103. Which family unit fellow member makes the best food?
104. How has your opinion of your family changed over the years?
105. If you're close with your family, what'south the hardest part nigh spending time away from them?
106. Practice you wish you had a bigger family unit, or are you happy with its current size?
107. Which family unit member has had the greatest impact on yous?
108. What does your family unit's last name hateful? (Look it up if you don't know!)
109. Who'due south the all-time gift-giver in your family?
110. What's your favorite story about your grandparents?
111. Take you ever mapped out your family tree?
112. Were you close with your family unit growing up?
113. How practise you lot ascertain your family now?
114. What traits are most important to you in your family members?
115. Who in your family unit makes you experience the safest?
116. Do you want a family of your own?
117. Have you e'er been to a family reunion?
118. If yous could change your human relationship with a family unit member, would yous? If and then, with whom?
119. What was information technology like growing upwards every bit the youngest/oldest/centre/only kid?
120. Does your family e'er take trips together?
121. What's your favorite family memory?
122. What Television receiver family almost reminds you of your own?
123. Do you lot ever wish you were raised differently?
124. What's the best piece of advice a family member has given yous?
125. Do you wish you had more siblings? If so, why?
126. Did you always hide anything from or prevarication to your parents?
127. If yous had a family unit concern, what would it be?
128. Do you and your family unit have any nicknames for each other?
129. What's your favorite fashion to spend time with your family?
130. How do yous prove your family unit you love them?
131. What's your favorite family tradition?
132. What's the most important holiday you spend with your family and why?
133. Who in your family unit would you describe as a "grapheme"?
134. How do you feel nigh family unit events?
135. What'due south something your family unit would be surprised to acquire nigh yous?
136. Which family member practise you lot confide in near?
137. How do you deal with arguments between family members?
138. If you have children, how practise you want to heighten them?
139. What'due south more than important: family or friends?
140. Exercise you lot have any friends you would consider family unit?
141. Has your family e'er pressured you to human action a certain way?
142. Did you ever get to encounter your great-grandparents?
143. What personality traits do you share with your relatives?
144. What physical traits do you share with your relatives?
145. What stories did your family members tell you lot growing up?
146. How did your parents (and/or grandparents) run across?
147. What makes y'all proud of your family unit?
148. Who'due south the newest fellow member of your family?
149. What can e'er bring your family together?
"In learning most someone's values, yous are learning almost their possessor's manual," Hendrix explains. Even seemingly mundane questions can get at a person's values—like what's motivating them to do well on a presentation or what they look for in an S.O.
"By learning about someone's life philosophy, you're able to get at their true essence, how they live their life, and what drives their deportment," Orbuch adds.
That said, you can't just ask, "What are your values?". What you tin can inquire:
150. What do you lot call back makes someone a "skilful person"?
151. Do you lot believe in dearest at first sight?
152. How do you show kindness to others?
153. Practice you believe in soulmates? Why or why not?
154. What do you look for in a friendship?
155. How do your daily priorities reflect your overall values in life?
156. Do you believe time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time?
157. What life lessons have you had to learn the hard mode?
158. Do you lot believe what is meant for you will never miss you?
159. Have yous ever experienced true love, and how did you lot know?
160. What's a relationship deal billow for you lot?
161. If you had simply one sense (hearing, touch, sight, etc.), which would you want?
162. Do you volunteer at all?
163. What makes you feel at peace?
164. What are you well-nigh proud of in the last year?
165. What makes y'all feel most accomplished?
166. Who do you adore most in the earth?
167. Would you rather make more coin doing a job you hate or less doing one you dearest?
168. Which of your personality traits are yous nigh proud of?
169. What's the first matter y'all look for in a partner and/or friend?
170. How has your perspective on the world changed over time?
171. Do you lot live by any slice of advice or motto?
172. How can someone earn your trust?
173. How tin can someone lose your trust?
174. Would you rather someone be honest and hurt your feelings or prevarication to protect them?
175. If you could snap your fingers and instantly make the earth meliorate, what would you lot exercise?
176. Exercise you believe in astrology? Why or why not?
177. Have you ever lost a friend? If so, what happened?
178. If y'all could only teach 1 thing to your (futurity) child, what would information technology be?
179. What'south the scariest thing you've always done, and why did you practice it?
180. Do you lot believe in 2nd chances?
181. Where do you become your news?
182. What is your biggest irrational fear?
183. Are you active on social media, or practise y'all adopt to be more private?
184. What is your definition of success?
185. Are you an organ donor, and how did you come to that determination?
186. Do you believe you should practise one thing a day that scares y'all?
187. What, if anything, do you think happens after death?
189. What line should someone never cross with you?
190. How practice you define dazzler?
191. Do yous believe in life on other planets?
192. How practise you interact with someone who disagrees with you?
"These questions get at what the person is motivated by," says Orbuch. "What gives them the strength to wake up every day and get going? What practise they dream and recall about in their solar day?" When yous larn virtually someone's dreams, y'all share something more intimate. Jumpstart a deep chat past asking this:
193. Practise you lot recall our dreams have subconscious meanings?
194. When you want to give up, what keeps you going?
195. Do you live by any words of wisdom?
196. What'due south the get-go step y'all have in trying to achieve a new goal?
197. How exercise y'all plough a "no" into a "yes"?
198. What do yous exercise to overcome a personal setback?
199. Is it like shooting fish in a barrel for yous to have assist in achieving your dreams?
200. If you could do anything, also what you're doing now, what would you do?
201. What practice you regret not doing in the last twelvemonth?
202. What'due south on your bucket list?
203. If you had unlimited coin to start your own concern, what would information technology be?
204. If y'all institute out today was your last twenty-four hours on Earth, what would you do?
205. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
206. If you could relive 1 moment in your life, which would it be?
207. If you had the opportunity to be immortal, would y'all have it?
208. Which famous person in history would you want to spend the day with?
209. If you could fourth dimension travel, when and where would you get?
210. Exercise you think you'll likely attain all your dreams?
211. If you could magically become famous, would you want to?
212. A genie gives yous three wishes—what are they?
Sometimes the oddball questions allow you to learn the most interesting things about a person. "Unusual questions allow you to run into the varied, unique, and special qualities of a person—their answers requite yous personal information well-nigh what makes them tick," Orbuch says. "These questions as well typically get the other person to call back outside box and really ponder something."
But you nonetheless want to proceed things PG, says Williams. "Be conscientious with asking questions of a sexual nature too early," she advises. Same goes for the unconventional-for-a-reason q's, a.m.a. anything related to another person's finances, but especially questions about child support, debt, and credit score.
Ask these ~anarchistic~ questions, and you'll definitely get some interesting (in a good style!) answers:
213. Practice you believe in ghosts—why or why not? (Bonus question: If then, are you agape of ghosts?)
214. Do y'all take any special skills?
215. Are yous double-jointed?
216. What'southward your game plan in a zombie apocalypse?
217. Tin can y'all write in cursive?
218. If y'all could live in a flick, which one would it be and why?
219. What's your "dance similar nobody'southward watching" song?
220. Do yous sing in the shower?
221. Are you expert at solving puzzles?
222. How many hours do yous get to the airdrome before a flight?
223. Can you say your ABCs backwards?
224. If you see a puddle on the ground, practise you walk around it or over it?
225. If you could have a super ability, what would it be?
226. If you could get back to anytime in history, where would you lot go?
227. If you came back in your next life every bit an brute, what animal would you exist?
228. If you got to name a new country, how would you lot decide what to phone call it?
229. What would be the championship of your memoir?
230. Exercise y'all hit the snooze push button or wake up immediately?
231. What's the first matter you lot do in the morning?
232. What's the last thing yous do at night?
233. Do you believe in whatsoever conspiracy theories (no judgement)?
234. Do you think iced coffee should only be consumed in the summertime or all year round?
235. Would y'all rather be covered in fur or covered in scales?
236. What's your idea of a perfect appointment (yes, of the agenda year)?
237. What's the most unusual place you lot've fallen asleep?
238. At a political party, where can someone find yous?
239. Practise you wash your legs in the shower?
240. Who would play yous in the motion-picture show of your life?
241. When making a PB&J sandwich, do you put on the peanut butter or jelly beginning?
242. Practise you have whatever allergies?
243. Do you trust your own memory? Why or why not?
244. Which fictional character practise you relate to virtually?
245. What, if anything, would brand you walk out in the middle of a movie?
246. When was the last time you cried and why?
247. What'south your most controversial stance nigh something mundane?
248. Do yous "stan" whatever celebrities?
249. What's your go-to midnight snack?
250. What was your all-fourth dimension favorite Halloween costume?
251. What's the weirdest thing you practice when y'all're alone?
252. Do yous have whatsoever recurring dreams?
253. What's the silliest argument you've ever been in?
254. What's the worst statement you've e'er been in?
255. What's your opinion on modern art?
256. What's the well-nigh ridiculous outfit yous've ever worn?
257. If you could own a mythical creature (unicorn, phoenix, etc.), which one would yous pick?
258. Would you rather have your dishes or clothes be magically clean?
259. What's your favorite story near yourself?
260. If you lot could change annihilation near yourself, would you? If and then, what and why?
"Anytime y'all reveal personal data to someone else, it increases intimacy between you and the other person," says Orbuch. So let downwardly your baby-sit, and don't be afraid to ask (and answer!) these deep questions.
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Source: https://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/a22500573/questions-to-ask-to-get-to-know-someone/
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